A short while ago, I was out to dinner with a few friends
and I was introduced to a new person sitting at the table as "This is Eva.
She is very strict about her diet."
I was somewhat taken back and found myself feeling the need to explain
that I wasn't strict and that I actually had total freedom to choose what I
wanted to eat and I happened to want to eat healthy foods. The comment also made me curious.
Saying that I was "strict" was somehow implying
that I was denying myself of something, when I don't actually feel that I am
deny myself anything. In contrast, I
actually feel that I am cherishing myself with the choices I make.
When I'm with my Cross Fit friends, we all pretty much eat
the same way and we enjoy working out and talking about it too. I never feel like I am denying myself or
being "strict" in any way. I
am only perceived to be "strict" around people who do not share my
life style. Is it because I am not giving in to unhealthy impulses and
immediate gratification?
Self-disciplined I am, but strict and denying, I am not.
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of
self-discipline is in fact "the correction or regulation of oneself for
the sake of improvement." Being "strict," restrictive or denying
is not in the equation. Having willpower because you choose to love yourself
and improve yourself is. And it may just be that the reason people have such
problems with willpower and self-discipline is because they think it involves
denial, rather than love and getting control over stress and the neural
mechanisms that drive behavior.
This is how you get there:
1 Set clear goal so when it comes down to it, you can think
first, act later.
When you have knowledge that a greater reward is at stake,
you are going to have an easier time letting go of instant gratification. Set
clear goals and prioritize your list according to how you want to feel in the
future. For example:
Step 1: Set the goal = improved performance at work or in
the gym.
Step 2: List the things that help you improve
performance: avoiding sugar, getting
more sleep, taking active rest days,
keep a diary, etc.
Step 3: Prioritize which things on the list are the most
important for you and possible within the context of your schedule and busy
life. When you follow this process, you will think twice before acting on an
impulse, keeping your focus on your long term goal.
2 Motivate to win and remember that life doesn't happen to
you, it happens for you.
Anxiety stems from the belief that you are not in control of
your life circumstances, that you are somehow not enough or do not have enough
to handle whatever challenge you are facing, and therefore a victim of life's
circumstances. Changing your mindset to
being a victor of your life sets the stage for you to regain your power. In
this state, you are more likely to also stay positive in the face of
challenges, experiencing less fear as the stress response is more
controlled. More importantly, you are
more likely to access your inner fire of motivation -- that fire that drives
you to win and achieve. Aim to win!
3 Know your triggers and control the stress response:
Certain situations, people or even foods will cause your
stress response to be triggered. Your
job is to pay attention. Who and what
causes you to feel impulsive? It could
be sleep deprivation, or it could be tendency to feel overly criticized by your
boss. Some triggers you can avoid or
remedy, like getting more sleep. Science suggests, in fact, that
self-discipline worsens the longer you go without sleep. Other triggers are not
so easy to get rid of and you will have to prepare yourself for them, like
doing a meditation to calm your nerves and your stress response prior to going
to work, or taking a nap while your children are at school.
4 When in doubt, choose love:
Oxytocin, the love hormone, reduces activation of the neural
circuitry involved in anxiety and stimulates the reward circuits in the brain.
You can tap into the physiology of love, or the Love Response, in a variety of
ways including spending time with your friends, getting a massage, being
outdoors in nature, meditating, and most importantly, by acting kindly towards
yourself. This means no
"shoulding" on yourself, putting yourself down for not being
"good" or for being "bad," or using the word
"cheat." Negative self-thinking can be just as harmful on your stress
response as your critical boss.
5 Ignore sabotagers and naysayers:
On that note, you want to avoid being influenced by other
people around you who project their insecurities or judgments upon you. Stay focused on your long term goals -- goals
that you set because you love yourself and want to feel healthy and happy in
the long run, not just right now. Ignore
the sabotagers, smile and send them some love.
6 Get some accountability buddies:
My ability to uphold a healthier lifestyle became easier
when I joined CrossFit and found myself amongst other people who were doing the
same thing. Either enlist other friends
or family members to join you or ask for their support to remind you of your
long-term goals. The key here is that no
one is allowed to nag you, reprimand you, or cause you to feel guilt or shame.
Instead, they are to remind you to love yourself, to ask yourself why you might
have been triggered when you slip up, and help you analyze your patterns so
that you can get back on track.
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